Ur so l33t, m8! Not.

I like to use proper punctuation and paragraphs in my writing. I also try to write with a passable English grammar. It would seem, however, that I'm in the minority.

Much of my time is spent working online. (Yes, I'm an internet geek and proud of it.) Many of the people I work with I know only via their e-mail and an occasional 'phone call, so my fundamental impressions of them are often derived from what they write. Or, more significantly, HOW they write.

An internet pundit once observed that "The internet has done wonders for people's ability to communicate, whilst doing nothing to improve their grammar or punctuation." I have to agree with this sad sentiment.

In e-mail, chatrooms and online forums you constantly see writing from people who appear to be psychically channelling Jack Kerouac and e e cummings - simultaneously. Or perhaps James Joyce (on a bad day). Punctuation, grammar and coherence is lamentably absent.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was comprehensible but sometimes you have to wonder what sort of drugs these people are taking and may I have some too, please? I have on record many examples of streams-of-consciousness, fervent religiosity, lunatic ravings and sheer gibberish, but time and column space here prevents my presenting a fair sample for your delectation. I'm sure you can find your own examples - try any online forum (or blog site). Written language is not spoken language; you should not write exactly as you speak.

One thing that I am becoming quite militant and uncompromising about is the increased use of "SMS-speak". I get emails from people where "you" is consistently substituted with "u". (The artist formerly known as "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince" has a lot to answer for in that respect.) If they're amused they say "LOL"; they've never heard of the ellipsis and end every sentence with seventeen dots......... My responses become increasingly florid and byzantine in deliberately direct inverse proportion to their brevity, just to make the point. "Oh, but it saves time when typing." they say. Sorry, not good enough; if you're in a hurry, pick up the 'phone.

I concede, though, that a lot of what is written makes perfect sense and I would read it - really - were it not for a complete absence of formatting; by which I mostly mean PARAGRAPHS.

Break it up, folks! Give your readers space in which to draw breath occasionally! Let them pause to think about what you've just said, without losing their place. They should only go back when they want to re-read something profound you've written, not because they lost their place in a twenty line paragraph.

The web is truly vast and there are millions of voices clamouring to be heard. I've decided to only heed those that at least acknowledge the elegant standard characterised by the Victorian era, or the often breathtaking prose of American Civil War era correspondence. It's not an easy style to achieve or maintain but it's worth a try because it can be an utter joy to read.

When email first appeared I fondly imagined it augured a return to the 19th-century practice of regular and erudite correspondence as something very close to art. (I'm not a very good gambler, either.)

So be warned: if you send me an e-mail, or post to an online forum or blog and you type whatever your brain spews out, I am unlikely to bother to read it. Frankly, it's not worth the effort on my part if you haven't made one on yours.